It's 2014!

Sorry for not updating since my last post. It had been quite a big roller coaster ride since my last update.

Well, things at home were still quite a big frustration for both Eric and I. It's like almost to a breaking point where it was affecting even our own relationship with each other. Going to the women bible study every Wednesday morning helps to allows me to be with other older women, who would listen and share experiences. And at times, it was amazing that the discussions would touch my heart, to the deepest point. 

One day, I received a book from my pastor's wife Carmi. She asked if I would like to join their book club, reading through this book together and discuss as a group every 2-3 weeks during lunch.

This event was a God sent. The book they were going through was not only helpful for a newly wed wife like me, it teaches us how to be a Godly wife to our husband and family. 

It talks about how to love and communicate with our husband. How we work with our husband, so that we are there for each other's needs. How to love and teach our children. How to prioritize our life's, with work and home, of want and need. How to not succumb onto temptations of sinful nature, such as greed, anger, bitterness. Oh how it touches my heart! 

It wasp quite hard, trying to seek the truth and admitting to the sinfulness of my own. But praise God for softening my heart. Thank God for the many older women who were there to share their struggles and their listening ears to mine. Everyone who were there, had struggles of their own, as a wife and mum to their family. It was a good opportunity for us to open God's words and read the guidance God has for us. It felt so supported, encouraged, and guided. No one teaches us how to be a wife, especially Godly wife. No one teaches us how to raise a child. Examples from our own families may not be the best model. Oh how much I learned. 

Eric and I also met up with the pastor for counseling one afternoon. It was a great opportunity for us to talk about things which had been bothering us for a while. Like the house renovations, moving out, living with in-laws, clinic work.....

So Jeff, our pastor sat there and asked abut our issues and listen to our situation. It helps a lot as there is now someone who can see it from a third person's point of view. So the conclusion at the end was that we should moved out from this place and Eric should get his decision ready and get things moving (for both the renovations and clinic work). 

And so we did! We moved out the following week after the session with Jeff. We moved our beds there, so we are sleeping there at night. However, the rest of the house is still in a mess. Or day time work is either at the in-law's place inspecting the construction work, or at the other home, doing the wall paper removing. And I'm still in charge of cooking at the in-law's place. So we will have dinner together before we head home. 

At the end of November, my clinic work finally started too! My first patient is our friend at bible study. And since then, I have another two regular patients. We promoted our clinic at Eric's uni friends gathering around Christmas, and we got a few interest clients. Haha. But so far, we are just thinking of going slowly and just treating people we know, because we are doing home visits. Eric is not comfortable with me visiting stranger's place. 

Relationship wise, has been much better between Eric's mum and me. His sister's absence for a month for her holiday in HK, helped a little. (Less people to worry) His mum had a sudden scare of sciatic pain shortly after the Boxing Day, which sees us sending her to the hospital's A&E, staying in there for 6 hrs and finally discharging with just a script of painkillers. They could not find what was wrong with her. So today, after 3 weeks in pain, she finally is going to see her GP for a referral for MRI scan. This had caused a bit of stress in Eric with his mum, as it was so difficult for us to coax his mum to take pain medication. It was like coaxing a small kid, and without the medication, she could not sit, stand, lie down, nor even go toilet! What's more, there's three levels of stairs for her to climb at home to get to her bed room! Sigh.....

To add on to the stress, there was the construction at the front of the house to fix the foundation of the house. It is now finally done! Took 3 weeks in total. 

For the Christmas, we invited Eric's aunt and uncle to our house for Christmas dinner. His aunt had recently became a Christian. So happy that at least we have another relative who is also a Christian. She is my in-laws sister. I made some food for that night. Also baked the Japanese cheese cake for dessert, but it did not turnout as pretty. Taste wise, it's awesome. Hehe. Need to brush up my skills. 

Then new year was a time where we were look after the 'kid' who refused to take pain medication, and also housing a visitor from Canberra. We brought him to see the famous new year fireworks on new year eve. O my, it was sooooo chaotic! 

We went together with three other friends from our bible study. 

Unfortunately, the location where we were at was not ideal for the fireworks. Our conclusion for the night was: sitting at home watching tv for countdown, would be much more comfy than being at the site where we were. Think my brother who saw it live on tv in Perth,have a better view than us. Lol.

We were into fishing lately. So this is Eric's catch of the day on last Sunday. It was really the catch of the day! The fish got hooked within 1 second! Really. ONE SECOND! And for the rest of two hours, we caught nothing. Haha. 

Tonight, we are inviting his aunt and family over again for dinner. His cousins will be joining too. We are making vietnamese rice paper roll for dinner. Nice and easy. Hehe. Lazy me.

I hope u all have a good start to your new year too!

Kcan

Ice cream vs tennis ball

Eric and I had a frightening experience today.
No, not car accidents, near miss, or seen ghost. But accompanying our Canberra friend from old church to see the brain specialist. She, at age 25, is recently diagnosed with brain tumour.

So I picked up a desperate SMS on Saturday from Hongyan early in the morning. A call later, realised that she is coming to Sydney the next day, which was yesterday, for an appointment to see a brain specialist on Monday (aka today). She knew that I had worked with cancer patients in my pervious job, so she'd like me to be there to help her translate any medical information she may not be familiar with. And so we went, with Eric of course.

We picked her up early in the morning from her friends's place and brave the peak hour traffic to the hospital. During the journey, she had an episode of seizure.
Then during the consultation, she had an episode again, right in front of the specialist.
The doctor described her tumour as of the brain coverings, not of the brain itself. It is however though, growing into the brain, squashing the brain along the way as it grows. Like pushing a tennis ball into a tub of ice cream. The tumour is BIG. 5 cm in diameter. Imagine it's almost the size of the fist!

What is more frightening, was that the seizures were caused by the tumour squashing onto the brain. And today alone, it was as frequent as every hourly. Prior to that, was 2 weeks ago. So something was not really right. Initially after the specialist appointment, her friends were to drive her back to Canberra. So Eric n I drop her to meet up with her friends at a food court. We help her buy some lunch and said our good byes n all.....

However, 2 hrs later, her friend called, saying that they are still at the food court, waiting for the ambulance to come over. Hongyan's seizures were worst and her fever had peaked. They were unsure if she is fit for the long journey to Canberra.

So, the paramedics took her to the hospital to make sure her fever n seizures were well controlled. And instead of heading back to Canberra, she is to stay over in the hospital tonight, and maybe even possible of having the surgery to remove the tumour here in Sydney.

Please pray that she will continue to remain trusted in God and our Lord Jesus. Pray for peace n strength for her to go through these alone in a foreign place. Pray that her mum's visa to come here to visit n take care of her will be granted soon. Her family were far away (inner Mongolia) and very worried. Her mum had flew to Beijing awaiting the granting of visa.
Pray for the doctors, for the wisdom and knowledge, to do the best they can for Hongyan.
Pray that she will find calm in knowing that many people are praying for her, both in Sydney and Canberra. And lastly, pray that we as her only few friends here can help her as much as possible to make her feel comforted and loved.

I thank God for his perfect timing and plans for the various people/events/situations that happen. And we lift up all this into your hands for you are in control.

Kcan

Last paper!

Today will mark the last exam for Eric's first semester!
How quick time flies.
Hope he does well and have a good celebrations with his coursemate tonight.

For me, I shall enjoy my evening with my home make french baguette and heading out to easy english bible study.
This shall be my first time joining them. Looking into doing ministry work there, teaching people about the bible. Please pray for me as I look into this ministry at church and the opportunity to serve.

Hope you have a good evening too!

kcan

Finally finishing the 1 year bible

I am guilty of not reading the bible regularly. Well, do everyone really do that everyday?

Anyhow, I am really please with myself for finally finish reading the bible which my God father Robert had given me on my baptism. That's.... 24 Feb 2008.  *hehe*

Yesh, it took me 5 years and 3 months for me to finish it. lol.
So that means I had read through all the books in the bible too! Woohoo!

There are still a lot to learn. Pray that I will have the perseverance to continue learn and understand God's words.

kcan

Re-location

Relocation was an annual ritual for the last 3 years. During my 3 years in Canberra, I had to moved every year. Only this last time, was to move out from Canberra to Sydney.

That move was tiring. It took us 3 whole days plus weeks leading up to that doing the packing and cleaning.
We hired a 3 tonne truck on the Saturday. Filled it up to the brim with the help of 3 of our friends and we only left Canberra at 10pm. Slowly drove up to Sydney, took plenty of power naps and finally reaching at 4am. Unload the next day (Sunday) with the help of his good mate. It just took 4 hrs to unload. So not fair.
We set off real early on Monday again from Sydney to Canberra to return the truck and also to give the house a good clean up before handling the key back in the afternoon. Got the carpets vacuum, drawers, toilets cleaned, kitchen wiped down and pack the rest of bits n pieces which are still lying around. We filled up our two cars to the brim. Really, Literally. The only mirror that was usable during the long drive to Sydney was the right mirror. (not that it was any useful at night)  Everything was finally done at 10pm AGAIN. We had a nice dinner at the famous Maccas just across the road from our place. Our final n last meal. haha.

We had since unpacked 50% of the things we brought here. It was a painfully slow process. Not that there were not enough space, but... well, how about say that we met some restrictions.

Asking if I had settled down here...
Surface-ly, I'd say yes.
Deep down, Hell NO.

Since moving and settling down since January 2013, I had developed depression.
That was also one reason why I now choose to let out my feelings here, instead of keeping it all in myself. Because there was no place for me here.
Everymonth, there would be days where I'll just break down into uncontrolled sadness and tears, feeling lonely, angry and frustrated.

Lonely, because I had no one whom I can call a real friend whom I can talk to at hand n be here to be with. This place where I am staying, is like a prison. I am not able to venture out, for I'll get lost in the unfamiliar streets. The only place I am able to drive with confident to, is the suburb where I get groceries and attend church. Sydney is just too big for me to handle. The new members of the so called 'family' whom I am living with now, had issues which I find so difficult to handle. It could be peaceful like a calm river, or a battle of survival like at a war zone. And often, I feel so alienated in these chaos, that I wonder why I was here at the first place.

Caring for the aging MIL was a chore. It was a chore because she is developing signs of psychological issues, such as hoarding and mental loss. And with these, came anger and frustration as we tried cleaning up the filth of the house where we now together lived in. The state of the house was appalling when we moved in. The house was decent sized I mind you. Triple story with plenty of rooms and living space and even a outdoor pool. Maybe a little too much space you'd say, for a person who had a hoarding issue.

The whole house was filled with junk.
Junks from boxes of old text books belonging to my husband and his siblings back in their Primary school days, boxes of clothes from they were babies, magazines subscriptions of way back when and some were still in their original untouched wrapper. The collection could even be better than the archives in the museums.   Heaps of used envelopes collections in boxes, bags of big pile of shopping plastic bags (some annoyingly stored in biodegradable plastic bags), piles of take away containers, news papers and other paper junks.
Dirty old rags which lined the floor with bags of other clean rags still storing in the cupboard....
Worse of all, the place was so unkempt  that the floors of the house was layered by a thick layered of dust n grit, that one cannot bear to walk barefooted. A clean pathway lines the area where people most walked (which is the middle of the path). Every 5 steps on the stairs, I had to empty my vacuum cleaner. The carpets had not been cleaned for the past 10 yrs.
Couches, coffee tables, cupboard doors, pictures frame, doors and frames and even the wall, were covered in mould. How can one live in such filth?
I am angry and frustrated at the laziness of the occupants and the attitude I had to dealt with. Everything, from the free news papers, the rags on the floor, plastic shopping bags with holes in them to the wilted flower that hangs on the vase had a sentimental value. And it had to 'stay' in the house.

To date, we had chuck out 180 kg of paper materials to the recycling during our first dump trip Plus 3/4 of that same thing on the 2nd trip PLUS 80kg AGAIN on the last trip. GOOD BYE old mouldy yellow BOOKS N MAGAZINES N NEWSPAPERS AND BOXES!
Behold, this was only the tip of the ice-berg. And it was only successful after many arguments plus some form of threatening.

However, I am slowly loosing the battle.
The 4 months of mental and physical stress had a bad impact on my physical and mental health.
I can no longer tolerate and stay calm, looking at the pile of junk n useless stuff. Now it just... stays...

I don't have a say. The hoarding tendency is too strong among the family. Even if it's something useless, like the big plate of molded dried petals. They are not able to just...let go. I think I had to learn too, to just... let go.

I could not wait to move out from this place. I have little corners in the house, where I have my little spaces to clear my head and keep up the lives here.

So, please do pray for me. Pray that I will be able to stay sane in this insane place. Pray that I will keep my patience and kindness to the people I had to dealt with daily in such close proximity. Pray that with the strength of Jesus, I will continue to keep in faith and never loose hope of the Hope that is to come.

And also, please do pray for Eric as he struggles with me and uni work. Pray that he will be loving and understanding.

kcan.