Down time

I just blew it yesterday. All the frustration and anger. All mixed in one.

Lets see what had happened prior....

It had been two weeks since I had gave this place a vacuum. And as usual, I had to do this all on my own. A good three story climb with the vacuum cleaner. Changing and discarding the clogged dust bin at least four times. And at the end of it, I'm battered and my back is wracked. And now, I'm still contemplating when I should pick up the vacuum cleaner again as my back is still hurting.

For the past many months since we had this stupid extended renovation in the kitchen, the kitchen had been and still in a mess. And for some unknown reason, these bastards had also became deaf while they were in their rooms. No matter how loud I shouted to call them down for dinner, or help set up for dinner, no one came. Super pissed, cause no one ever had the willingness to lend a hand or what. Just sit there n wait for food to drop from the sky. N I had learned from all these months that their slowness, means it will take another 20 mins before we can actually eat something, which by then food will be cold. All the while they just could not see how rushed I had to be so I can put food on the table on time. Do they want the slow cooking their mum does, whereby food will only be served at 9pm? Argh!

Then there's the washing up dishes. His sis kindly took up the role. Which is really helpful. But that was till she realised she can get away with washing up by eating her share quickly and dart upstairs n hibernate. Which means I had to clear up all the washings from dinner and cooking. Isn't this something a child will do? Why am I seeing it on a thirty something? Eric had a good talk with her, so tat had stopped for now. Then there is also the lack of willingness whereby if u don't have it in the sink, she will not wash them. So there is often the jobs where I had to clean up after she had clean up... (Like if i was watching tv or out at bible study, I will be greeted with jobs undone) Do you get what I mean? Sigh....

Then there is the toilet. Everyone uses it. But no one cleans it apart from me, or eric when i howled at him. I still remembered the line his sis told me on the first day we moved back. "Yay! Now there is someone to help me clean the bathroom!"

At that time, I replied "yeah, I can help clean it with you." But, see what I said, With You, not me only. Clearly her sentence means Me only, as she had since then, Never, I repeat,  NEVER cleans the bathroom. And it really pissed me off.

I had been living out of home since I'm 18. And I had lived in shared house since. Independence is like second nature to me. I learned to cook and clean and take care of myself. Plus I had to study full time n even work part time jobs. I even had time to do my St. John volunteering. Compare to here, this family is just Hopeless! What a lazy bum! 

Just as I had predicted, when I stop or refuse to cook, what do they eat? Takeaway pizza. Lazy to the point they do not even want to lift a finger and cook. 

Looking at the wall of wall papers yet to be removed. It is really daunting. I had not even manage to take off the papers from one room! Let alone the whole house. I had pleaded to eric for help. But none came. My back is now so sore tat I cannot stand up for too long. Even standing for cooking hurts. 

I'm glad tat mum n dad came to visit few months back. They had seen the place I am living. They understand the pain I am going through. I told them about the wall papers and things that needed to be done over at the other place. And you know what they say? 

"Do you need two extra hand to come and help? We can fly here for a week to help you." 

My help! 

Why can they so easily offer their help, while those lazy bums around me can't. Only once his sister had so call offered help with the other place. But when the time comes, she gave the excuse of " need to study", when obviously she was just plain lazy. Can you see how sick I am of this place? 

I really appreciate the help offered by my parents. But how can I ask two elderly to work for free on a place tat is not even theirs?! Some more now, my mum had finger joints problems and shoulder problem, plus dad had a poor back too. 

And I also donoe why I am putting myself into this bloody place, working till my back aches and head spin. It is not even mine! Can I claim my medical bills from his parents for hurting my back on their bloody houses? 

This is ridiculous.

Kcan

Old house

Eric and I had been busy with the renovations at home for the last two weeks. It seems to be going no where as time is just not enough! When we fixed a tap, the other decides to leaks. Then the other one, and another one. Grrrr!

Anyhow, to add to our frustration, we now are in possess of another old house that is in need of renovation. Yes, an old house. It was their first home in Australia, and it is in great need of a love n facelift.  Hopefully, in due time, when we are finish with the renovations here in this big hell house, we can start moving to the other place and start living and doing the renovation there at the same time. 

Yay! Can't wait to be able to live away from the in-laws. 

So today's the day where I set foot into the place. They always talked about it but I had not been here before. It is not too far from where we are now. Basically they did not move out of the suburb. The house looks old from the outside. Large fenced off yard in the front and a small garden in the back. Entering from the front door, you can sense the age of the house, through the yellowed walls papers, faded carpets, hanging lights, old rugged door with old style handles....

Oh my, the whole house is filled with wall papered walls! Imagine the work needed to get rid of them and paint the walls. >_<

And the kitchen is in a great need of a change of face. 

And the old dirty curtains. I wonder how can you live with dirty curtains with dust n all on it? I even saw spiderweb on one of them, guess they did not move the curtains at all.

There are lots of things to be done. But glad that at least this will be a much better place to stay than a house with junk n endless work to do. (Aka: doing things for people who are incapable due to laziness)

Thank you for the blessings that comes so unexpectedly. 

Kcan

Re-location

Relocation was an annual ritual for the last 3 years. During my 3 years in Canberra, I had to moved every year. Only this last time, was to move out from Canberra to Sydney.

That move was tiring. It took us 3 whole days plus weeks leading up to that doing the packing and cleaning.
We hired a 3 tonne truck on the Saturday. Filled it up to the brim with the help of 3 of our friends and we only left Canberra at 10pm. Slowly drove up to Sydney, took plenty of power naps and finally reaching at 4am. Unload the next day (Sunday) with the help of his good mate. It just took 4 hrs to unload. So not fair.
We set off real early on Monday again from Sydney to Canberra to return the truck and also to give the house a good clean up before handling the key back in the afternoon. Got the carpets vacuum, drawers, toilets cleaned, kitchen wiped down and pack the rest of bits n pieces which are still lying around. We filled up our two cars to the brim. Really, Literally. The only mirror that was usable during the long drive to Sydney was the right mirror. (not that it was any useful at night)  Everything was finally done at 10pm AGAIN. We had a nice dinner at the famous Maccas just across the road from our place. Our final n last meal. haha.

We had since unpacked 50% of the things we brought here. It was a painfully slow process. Not that there were not enough space, but... well, how about say that we met some restrictions.

Asking if I had settled down here...
Surface-ly, I'd say yes.
Deep down, Hell NO.

Since moving and settling down since January 2013, I had developed depression.
That was also one reason why I now choose to let out my feelings here, instead of keeping it all in myself. Because there was no place for me here.
Everymonth, there would be days where I'll just break down into uncontrolled sadness and tears, feeling lonely, angry and frustrated.

Lonely, because I had no one whom I can call a real friend whom I can talk to at hand n be here to be with. This place where I am staying, is like a prison. I am not able to venture out, for I'll get lost in the unfamiliar streets. The only place I am able to drive with confident to, is the suburb where I get groceries and attend church. Sydney is just too big for me to handle. The new members of the so called 'family' whom I am living with now, had issues which I find so difficult to handle. It could be peaceful like a calm river, or a battle of survival like at a war zone. And often, I feel so alienated in these chaos, that I wonder why I was here at the first place.

Caring for the aging MIL was a chore. It was a chore because she is developing signs of psychological issues, such as hoarding and mental loss. And with these, came anger and frustration as we tried cleaning up the filth of the house where we now together lived in. The state of the house was appalling when we moved in. The house was decent sized I mind you. Triple story with plenty of rooms and living space and even a outdoor pool. Maybe a little too much space you'd say, for a person who had a hoarding issue.

The whole house was filled with junk.
Junks from boxes of old text books belonging to my husband and his siblings back in their Primary school days, boxes of clothes from they were babies, magazines subscriptions of way back when and some were still in their original untouched wrapper. The collection could even be better than the archives in the museums.   Heaps of used envelopes collections in boxes, bags of big pile of shopping plastic bags (some annoyingly stored in biodegradable plastic bags), piles of take away containers, news papers and other paper junks.
Dirty old rags which lined the floor with bags of other clean rags still storing in the cupboard....
Worse of all, the place was so unkempt  that the floors of the house was layered by a thick layered of dust n grit, that one cannot bear to walk barefooted. A clean pathway lines the area where people most walked (which is the middle of the path). Every 5 steps on the stairs, I had to empty my vacuum cleaner. The carpets had not been cleaned for the past 10 yrs.
Couches, coffee tables, cupboard doors, pictures frame, doors and frames and even the wall, were covered in mould. How can one live in such filth?
I am angry and frustrated at the laziness of the occupants and the attitude I had to dealt with. Everything, from the free news papers, the rags on the floor, plastic shopping bags with holes in them to the wilted flower that hangs on the vase had a sentimental value. And it had to 'stay' in the house.

To date, we had chuck out 180 kg of paper materials to the recycling during our first dump trip Plus 3/4 of that same thing on the 2nd trip PLUS 80kg AGAIN on the last trip. GOOD BYE old mouldy yellow BOOKS N MAGAZINES N NEWSPAPERS AND BOXES!
Behold, this was only the tip of the ice-berg. And it was only successful after many arguments plus some form of threatening.

However, I am slowly loosing the battle.
The 4 months of mental and physical stress had a bad impact on my physical and mental health.
I can no longer tolerate and stay calm, looking at the pile of junk n useless stuff. Now it just... stays...

I don't have a say. The hoarding tendency is too strong among the family. Even if it's something useless, like the big plate of molded dried petals. They are not able to just...let go. I think I had to learn too, to just... let go.

I could not wait to move out from this place. I have little corners in the house, where I have my little spaces to clear my head and keep up the lives here.

So, please do pray for me. Pray that I will be able to stay sane in this insane place. Pray that I will keep my patience and kindness to the people I had to dealt with daily in such close proximity. Pray that with the strength of Jesus, I will continue to keep in faith and never loose hope of the Hope that is to come.

And also, please do pray for Eric as he struggles with me and uni work. Pray that he will be loving and understanding.

kcan.